The first one is always a long complicated story. And yes, he had flees…and yes, this is 21st century story, shockingly enough.
He is my first boyfriend ever. We have started dating at the end of my 8th grade, right after my finals, which means I was almost 16 at that time. I got really excited that someone was interested in me as I have started to change and embrace femininity (see “Organized mess” post for more details).
My dad never liked him. He never liked him because he was a loser – as I have understood this later on (FINALLY). FleeGuy has never even finished his 5th grade, he was 18 and jobless, without any education (he could barely read or write), without the ability to even buy a can of Pepsi for himself. I used to buy everything for him because he literally wasn’t able to do so. Me, on the other hand, I have finished first in class, having a scholarship based on that achievement, got accepted to the best highschool in town doing Mathematics and Informatics, I was earning my own money from a small hand-made jewelry business that I have launched on Facebook and also from photo shoots. Not to brag, but you can clearly see the difference between the 2 of us when it comes to…basically EVERYTHING.
HOWEVER, I was madly in love. He was the first one I got intimate with and the first one in almost everything. Basically, my first “real” relationship if you can name it like that. The first time we did it was really weird; none of us have finished because I was genuinely really confused.
I have confronted him regarding his flees. He left flees on my LOVELY PINK SHEETS when he first came to my place. Didn’t notice at first, but I sure did when he left and I when I was getting ready to go to bed. Weird black spots were jumping in my really comfortable bed and I didn’t know what they were (because I didn’t have my glasses on). When I have realized, I got mad and scared at the same time as I have a phobia of every insect out there. *OCD kicked in and I started cleaning like crazy*. Again, deeply in love, I thought it might’ve just happened without being his fault. However, I have finally made my mind to confront him, even if I was scared he might get mad and dump me –that’s how stupid I was – and I told him that his stupid ass has flees. And his very relaxed answer was that it was his cat’s fault because it had flees. LOL. But I somehow believed him.
He later on started to frequently cheat on me. I knew this for a fact because I had the password to every social media account he owned, including the 3 emails and YahooMessenger at that time. I still chose to stay with him. And I did because he was incredibly good at manipulating and taking advantage of my insecurities. Therefore, he knew that I was scared of being single and also being dumped; that I somehow managed to love him; and that I was a teenager going through puberty, which means I needed attention…a lot of it.
I tried to understand them, as I was madly in love. I also tried to understand him because I was always fighting with my dad, always taking the side of my ex. Moreover, I have ditched my friends on top of that because no one liked my ex, and everyone kept telling me what a d**k he is. At this point, I only had him in my life, and I have tried to change myself so I will meet his expectations.
We broke up loads of times. Every time it was his choice to do so, giving me really unique reasons: I might move to another city in 2 years time; I broke my leg and I want to be alone; I am starting a new job and I won’t have a lot of time (job that was only in his mind, as he wanted to direct movies…yeah right). Finally, I have had the guts to dump him. I finally said NO when he started threatening me that he’s going to tell my dad we were having sex, because I didn’t want to give him a phone number (can’t remember exactly for what he needed that phone number).
I can tolerate a lot of things, but I will never tolerate violence, ultimatums, and threats. As soon as you did one of these 3, you’re gone! *Tell ‘em boy bye*. After a few weeks, he started stalking me and showing up in the places he knew he’s going to find me. We’ve been together for almost a year and we shared common friends, and I was on a tight schedule due to the fact I was quite young, which means, I had a routine. Therefore, it wasn’t that hard for him to find me. After 3 months of being stalked, my dad almost killing him, and me being one step closer to getting a restriction order, he stopped. He stopped because I was firm with my decision to leave his uneducated self behind.
As you can see, my first boyfriend wasn’t quite the prince on a white horse type. He had a good side of him, but the negatives in his personality were weighting more. I took this as an experience from which I have learnt A LOT. I have learnt that I should never ever again ditch my family and friends for a guy, because they will still be there for me when things go wrong; that I should want more for myself and have higher standards – not because I’m beautiful, but because every woman on this planet deserves to be treated like a queen, and not like a slave; that I shouldn’t only see the better side in people; and that I should question things more often and more thoroughly. The whole “relationship” left me cold for a while and deeply affected my self-esteem…however, I have managed to rebuild that self-confidence and realize that at some point I must have met an asshole just so I will have a reality check and appreciate the things I already had.
As I have mentioned in the “About” section, these stories actually happened to me, and I chose to write about them for a reason. I’m not saying I’m right or wrong, therefore, don’t take these posts personal, or get offended by them in any way.